And in the end

Valentine's Day weekend 2014 was a way-terrific experience. Ken and I went to Park City to see Duncan Sheik perform live and to try cross-country skiing. And both were top-notch. The skiing was good - it is much easier to get up and going than downhill. Of course, years of downhill experience I'm sure helped. The first day, we took a lesson in the morning and then went back in the afternoon and did our own thing for about 3 hours. It was a nice day, if anything too warm. Ah but the next day-- totally different deal. A storm was blowing in, dumping snow as we started. By the end of our second run, I couldn't even see the tracks and my face hurt from all the needles of snow the wind pushed in my face. But it was so beautiful. Gorgeous. And, yes, it's safer than downhill. It's not an adrenaline rush, it's more your body being one with the outdoors. It's such a steady-state cardio workout, I ended up just hearing my breath and feeling the snow. I like it.

My new job couldn't be better. Here's how great they support me -- every day I'm there, the office manager comes by and asks if I have any questions or need anything. I mentioned off-hand that I could use a clipboard. Oh, she says, I'll get you one tomorrow. What color? What style?  This after I opened my desk drawer on the second day and found it had a nice set of supplies arrayed. They asked if I'd like a painting to go over my couch, and then brought in an assortment for me to choose from. We have Starbucks K-cups, cream and milk, and La Croix water in the break room, all free. It's so first-class.

And then there's the stuff that really matters. My schedule is already as full as I want it. I have 7 appointments for Thursday. Already, folks. In two weeks. It's because I can see insurance patients right away. And get this, one of my contacts is a fellow NP that is closing her practice because she's pregnant with her third child. (She plans to resume but not for at least a year or two.) She has hooked me up with UT's employee assistance program, and now I'll get a bunch of those clients referred to me. I'm meeting with UT next week. The best part: I really like it. It's challenging, it's fascinating -- I mean, I'm the shrink, people tell me things that they have never spoken aloud before, and it's a puzzle and an art. Especially prescribing. Which medication to choose? So much less cut and dried than antibiotic or cholesterol meds. And much more critically, is medication even warranted? My supervising physician is so different on that front -- he's so non-meds oriented -- frankly, it's been a little hard to get used to. When I bring my cases in to review with him, he spends much more time on that question and always, always about the therapy. With my previous doctors, it was all about med selection. We got to that very quickly. It's nice to have the opposite, because I like to always be conservative with medication.

My sort-of last day at the old place was Friday. I'm returning on Tuesday to write up a bunch of discharge summaries that I got behind on. It was a typical day there - so busy I barely had time to pee. I had an intern with me all day, and they planned a little cake party for me, but of course, something came up and I had to see a patient and the party turned into a 5 minute deal. So no tears because there was no time. I did an exit interview with some suit up in St. Louis and it was just stupid and pointless. I don't need to bitch and moan to her, and I didn't. But this has been, oh god, such a stressful time. I'm not sleeping well, and my pants are all baggy because I've lost weight. Part of it is just the stimulation of the new job - when I wake up at 3:00 am, I'm running through all the decisions I made about my patients that day - did I pick the right antidepressant? Did I note in the chart that she had seizures as a kid? Did I remember to block my lunchtime meeting next week? Didn't help that my Doc at the old job took a day off this week AND our census popped up. It was a terrible week. And it's over. And I'm going to yoga three times this next week, because I can now. Hoo hah.

So Dani casually mentions to me she's going to the movies. Oh, I say, with who? She says "my boyfriend". My eyes pop out of my head - What boyfriend? Oh yes, she has one of those now. His name is Rakan. Computer Science major at UT. His parents are from Syria. Can't wait to meet him.