Personal Yeezus

This full-time working world is not for sissies. I was thinking of how much we are creatures of habit. I haven't worked a Mon.-Fri. 9 to 5 thing since 2005, when I quit my systems analyst job to go to nursing school. And I think that's the part that I'm having the hardest time with. I've always been someone who stays busy - but what I like to do best is have lots of options. I can go to yoga, I can meet a friend, I can work on a paper. Can't do that any more. Cramming errands in on the weekends with the rest of the working world isn't too sweet either. It's such a function of what you're accustomed to. I was remembering the other day that before I entered nursing school, I worked full time, I had two elementary-age children, I taught fitness classes several times a week, and I was taking a Saturday class as a nursing pre-requisite. That was nuts. How on earth did I do that? I'm trying to dial back the whining.

This weekend is Austin City Limits music festival. http://www.aclfestival.com/ We were there last night and got to see Vampire Weekend and Depeche Mode. And this is so random - we ended up with my sister Holly and brother Colin. The three of us are all exactly 10 years apart. (My insane parents.) I really enjoyed the music. Then it was kind of a disaster afterwards. Dani got a migraine so off to the ER we went. I got home after midnight but Ken and Dani were there until 2:00 am. She's better today but hell. Not a good way to end the day. Today we're going to see Haim, The Verve Pipe, Silversun Pickups, The Joy Formidable, Passion Pit, and The Cure. And tomorrow it's .... Phoenix! Yay. I am so addicted to their latest album. Atoms for Peace is the headliner tonight so I'll be seeing them too. Depeche Mode was really in fine form, it's so nice to oldsters my age up there absolutely wild and hot. Life doesn't end when you turn 40 or even 50, folks. Dave and Martin looked fab. They did not play my favorite song, Master and Servant. Oh well. When I first started teaching aerobics, I used to play that one.

Work is still kicking my butt as far as learning and developing my chops. My doc has been on a 2 1/2 week vacation and oh by the way, she quit. Yep. Really. Good luck for us finding a replacement for a part-time psychiatrist, because the market is red-hot here for psychiatric providers. I get emails and calls from head hunters weekly. So I've been on my own for a long stretch, and it's only going to get worse. I still love my job and continue to believe I can do this, but honestly some days my motivation flags. I am just not getting the support and direction a new grad needs. And sometimes I make mistakes. Prescribing is so difficult, so daunting. Pychotropics are not minor things. Recently I put two patients on benzo's that had never used them before, something I used to think I'd never do. What do you do, though, for someone who is so anxious they can't really be present and focus on treatment? Someone who is so anxious they can't sleep at night, can't stop worrying about what people think of them? I mean, our patients are with us for such a brief time, they sure better focus. So yes, I pulled out the pad and wrote Klonopin. I do have resources I can call when I really feel that I require advice, but it's not the same as someone working next to you, reviewing your work, able to observe patient interaction and offer direction. Just not the same. I'll get there, but some days are just hard. And that's the end of my whine. Now I'm going to get organized to head over to Zilker Park. Yay.