Licks

Things are better at work. My doctor has been back and I've gotten some good guidance about prescribing anti-psychotics, which frankly I'm a little nervous about, but I need to know how to do it. We meet every Wednesday for staffing, which is when all the professionals get in a room and we review each patient and discuss the treatment plan to make decisions about the future. It's terribly interesting, and this week we were reviewing a particularly tough case, one that I had to handle by myself when the doctor was out, and I said "I've put her on benzo's and anti-psychotics and haven't seen a bit of improvement. I'm not happy with this case at all." Those are the two classes of drugs I'm very, very cautious in using. Anti-depressants, sleepers, and the non-benzo anxiolytics however? Eh, here you go. (I'm kidding, of course. But I'm not terribly worried. The side effect profile for those just isn't very risky.)

So tomorrow morning I am meeting our new doctor for the first time, over breakfast. He suggested Kerbey Lane so he's already got a brownie point (a pancake point?) in my book. He's actually only agreed to be our interim doctor until we find a permanent and he'll be there only 2 afternoons a week - only 2/3 of the time that Dr. T was there - but hey, it's a start. (I'm wondering if it could actually turn more permanent.) Our census is terribly low right now, so it will work fine. And if it pops up, well, I think I remember where my sleeping bag is. Ha. And since things are so low, I don't need to go in to work this afternoon, which has been my routine. I think instead Dani and I are going to a dance performance. Of course, it's something that kind-of applies to my work anyway.... here's a link: Silence to Power. It's a collection of dances produced by local choreographers as a means to process psychological and emotional trauma and societal pressures, which includes eating disorders.

I've spent a lot of time with Dani, which is good for both of us. She's doing super great at school. Her sociology professor wrote such a nice note on her first exam, said that her essay responses were the best from all of students in all the classes she taught. I'm not surprised. My girl is smart. I'm so pleased that she now wants to be a nurse. I think it's where many of her talents naturally lie, and of course, it's such a worthwhile profession.

My back still hurts from the ACL Festival but it's probably because I'm still at the gym every day. Slow down? Are you kidding? It's all Phoenix's fault. I wanted to see them so badly, and they were on a smaller stage than they should've been -- they should've been on one of the big stages, I mean when their new album came out this summer, Rolling Stone headlined it. So we had a great spot an hour before they started, but we were so jammed together that nobody could sit down. Yes, it's oh so much fun to have completely stoned teenage strangers with their elbows in your ribs. So I stood there for an hour and then the concert was 90 minutes, so that's a loooooong time to be rooted to one spot. Worth it? mmmmmm not sure. I think if I could have gotten back far enough to sit as we waited, it would've still been pretty darn good. I did get kicked in the head by one of the crowd-surfers too, but just a glancing blow, didn't hurt. And I got chiggers. That's just part of ACL.

Last night Dani and I cooked fish and watched Miss Representation. It's about how the media has stolen the power of girls and young women by saturating them with images that only their sexiness matters. Yes, our culture is run by teenage boys with boners. Beavis and Butthead. It's an interesting thing to ponder, it's still fresh in my mind and I have more thinking to do. I'm against censorship and am a sex-positive person, I mean I hate slut-shaming and love Madonna, but OTOH I get furious when I hear stupid media reports about Hillary Clinton's hair. Miss Representation Documentary Trailer I see the consequences of this toxic, shaming, lowest-common-denominator culture every day at work. And it breaks my heart.

Lick on SoLa (South Lamar), on of our favorite Austin places, celebrated two years recently. We often go there for ice cream on a Friday or Saturday night. Lick has these wonderful, locally-sourced unique flavors. Here's part of the menu board from the last time I was there. You should go. It's near the Lucky Lounge, look for the big neon horseshoe.

Personal Yeezus

This full-time working world is not for sissies. I was thinking of how much we are creatures of habit. I haven't worked a Mon.-Fri. 9 to 5 thing since 2005, when I quit my systems analyst job to go to nursing school. And I think that's the part that I'm having the hardest time with. I've always been someone who stays busy - but what I like to do best is have lots of options. I can go to yoga, I can meet a friend, I can work on a paper. Can't do that any more. Cramming errands in on the weekends with the rest of the working world isn't too sweet either. It's such a function of what you're accustomed to. I was remembering the other day that before I entered nursing school, I worked full time, I had two elementary-age children, I taught fitness classes several times a week, and I was taking a Saturday class as a nursing pre-requisite. That was nuts. How on earth did I do that? I'm trying to dial back the whining.

This weekend is Austin City Limits music festival. http://www.aclfestival.com/ We were there last night and got to see Vampire Weekend and Depeche Mode. And this is so random - we ended up with my sister Holly and brother Colin. The three of us are all exactly 10 years apart. (My insane parents.) I really enjoyed the music. Then it was kind of a disaster afterwards. Dani got a migraine so off to the ER we went. I got home after midnight but Ken and Dani were there until 2:00 am. She's better today but hell. Not a good way to end the day. Today we're going to see Haim, The Verve Pipe, Silversun Pickups, The Joy Formidable, Passion Pit, and The Cure. And tomorrow it's .... Phoenix! Yay. I am so addicted to their latest album. Atoms for Peace is the headliner tonight so I'll be seeing them too. Depeche Mode was really in fine form, it's so nice to oldsters my age up there absolutely wild and hot. Life doesn't end when you turn 40 or even 50, folks. Dave and Martin looked fab. They did not play my favorite song, Master and Servant. Oh well. When I first started teaching aerobics, I used to play that one.

Work is still kicking my butt as far as learning and developing my chops. My doc has been on a 2 1/2 week vacation and oh by the way, she quit. Yep. Really. Good luck for us finding a replacement for a part-time psychiatrist, because the market is red-hot here for psychiatric providers. I get emails and calls from head hunters weekly. So I've been on my own for a long stretch, and it's only going to get worse. I still love my job and continue to believe I can do this, but honestly some days my motivation flags. I am just not getting the support and direction a new grad needs. And sometimes I make mistakes. Prescribing is so difficult, so daunting. Pychotropics are not minor things. Recently I put two patients on benzo's that had never used them before, something I used to think I'd never do. What do you do, though, for someone who is so anxious they can't really be present and focus on treatment? Someone who is so anxious they can't sleep at night, can't stop worrying about what people think of them? I mean, our patients are with us for such a brief time, they sure better focus. So yes, I pulled out the pad and wrote Klonopin. I do have resources I can call when I really feel that I require advice, but it's not the same as someone working next to you, reviewing your work, able to observe patient interaction and offer direction. Just not the same. I'll get there, but some days are just hard. And that's the end of my whine. Now I'm going to get organized to head over to Zilker Park. Yay.